


pulling teeth

by rosereddoors



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Rilaya, cursing, gmw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 04:51:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8236690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosereddoors/pseuds/rosereddoors
Summary: ...Maya’s pretty positive this situation wouldn’t have the same feel as their usual bay window talks: “Hey Riley, just so you know, I found out I might be gay and no big deal or anything but I’m pretty sure it’s because of you.”Yeah, that would totally go over well.(or: maya's gay and definitely not having a complete life crisis over it.)





	

Maya kisses a boy for the first time in the 8th grade. His name is Adam and he has a nice smile and always smells like fresh laundry, Maya figures she could do worse, so she goes with it.

It’s nothing too romantic, but what could she expect when she doesn’t even know his last name? She thinks it something generic like Smith or Johnson but she can’t be too sure. 

She’s standing at her locker when it happens, one second he’s asking what the science homework is and the next he’s leaning forward, looking at Maya in a way that she thinks she should be able to understand. 

It’s a short peck and the only thing she’s able to register before its over is the pain in her shoulder from where its stuck pressed against her locker.

He pulls away with a shy smile and a hand rubbing the back of his neck. Maya doesn’t know what else to do but avert her eyes and pull out her unfinished science worksheet.

“Uh- here.” She shoves it in his hands and walks away, completely forgetting to grab the history book she’d came to get in the first place.

Instantly, her mind is swirling, aren’t kisses supposed to make you feel warm? Aren’t kisses supposed to make you feel anything at all?

She pushes the thoughts aside and chalks it up to it being her first time. She’s just glad she’s gotten it over with.

She figures, the celebratory hug Riley gives her at the bay window when she hears is enough to make up for it.

***

The next scenario happens with one of Lucas’s old friends from Texas. Riley had set them up in a feeble attempt to make up for all the time she’d spent with Lucas in place of Maya lately.

Sure, Maya appreciates the gesture, and she honestly tries to pay attention to the boy’s stories of life back home but it’s as if her eyes are glued to the spot where Riley’s t-shirt has ridden up. The spot where Lucas has decided to rest his hand, fingers rubbing soothing circles that Maya notices from all the way across the room.

She wonders why she cares so much, wonders why she can’t focus on anything but Riley no matter the situation.

In an instant Lucas turns and presses a kiss to Riley’s forehead making her beam in a way she’d previously only reserved for Maya and half price ice cream.

Well, until now. 

Maya takes that as her cue to invite the Texas boy outside, tries to ignore the thumbs up Riley gives her over her shoulder. She looks as if she can’t contain her excitement, can’t believe her set up actually worked. And Maya aims to keep that smile on her face so she spares a half smile her direction, trying to convey anything but what she’s actually feeling in the moment.

The only word Maya can think of to describe this kiss is different.

It starts with a quiet, “Do you mind if I kiss you?” from the boy, and it’s what Maya thinks she’s supposed to do so she says yes.

He starts off slow, a peck and then a glance to gage her reaction.

With no signs of protest he continues, adding more tongue with each second that passes.

Maya reciprocates to the best of her ability she has no idea what she’s doing but neither does he, so she figures it’s going all right.

Things progress from there and if anything Maya feels like all it is is a chore she has to finish more than something to be enjoyed.

She finds her thoughts wandering, shouldn’t she be focused on the kiss? But she’s not. Riley’s birthday’s coming up and she’s making a mental list of her plans for the day.

Before she knows it the boy’s pulling back, “Was that okay?”

And Maya doesn’t really know how to answer that question. Was it okay?

She’s pretty sure it should’ve been. It should’ve been but it wasn’t. Just like the last time she barely felt a thing. She convinces herself that butterflies and racing heartbeats are simply some sort of movie construct created to brainwash young girls in to hopeless romantics.

Surely every girl feels this way after a kiss right? So Maya tells him what he wants to hear.

“Yeah, totally!,” and as if on cue, he pulls her in for another.

***  
It’s 2 AM on a Thursday night and Maya knows she should be sleeping. She has to be up for school in the morning but instead she’s sprawled out on Riley’s bed half reading some magazine article titled: ‘Hottest Celebrity Hair Trends’

She spares a glance at Riley and sucks in a deep breath.

“Hey Riles?”

Riley mumbles a quiet, “hm?” letting Maya know she’s listening.

“What’s it feel like when you kiss Lucas?”

She scrunches up her nose in the cute way Maya loves, “Whadya mean?”

Maya sighs, “Like, how does it make you feel?”

Her eyes light up in a split second, “Like I can’t breath, but in a good way you know? And kind of warm and fuzzy?”

Maya feels like she’s been punched in the stomach.

***

Maya’s 16 when she realizes she might not be as straight as she thought.

It happens in the summer. She’s sat in the back of Zay’s car laughing about some dumb joke he’s just made and Riley’s next to her. They’re both in shorts due to the heat of the day and their thighs are pressed together in a way that makes the hair on the back of Maya’s neck stand up; she tries to convince herself it’s due to the way the AC’s blowing against her but her racing heartbeat says otherwise.

Riley leans closer to whisper a witty comment just for her and the way her breath hits Maya’s ear as she speaks is enough to make her melt on the spot.

The giggle after she says the punch line makes Maya turn her head. The suns hitting her at just the right position, illuminating the glow she’d attained from her hours outside, dragging Maya to every festival and art gallery the city had to offer.  
(Riley and Lucas had decided they were better off as friends two months prior to the start of summer, meaning Maya had unlimited Riley time whenever she wanted.)

She’s looking at Maya with hopeful eyes, waiting for her to laugh along so she can know her joke hit the mark.

Maya’s smile comes easy in a way it always seems to when Riley’s around and she laces their fingers with a light squeeze of affirmation. 

She pretends not to notice that Riley doesn’t let go for the entire car ride.

***

Farkle’s the first person she tells. She does it with her eyes squeezed shut, hands clenched at her sides. 

It comes out in one breath of, “Ithinkimgay,” so fast that Farkle has to ask her to repeat herself.

“I think I’m gay Farkle.”

In an instant she’s launched herself in to his arms, tears soaking through his white t-shirt within seconds.

“Hey, Hey, shh.” Farkle rubs her back in a way he hopes is soothing, never being really good when it comes to physical comfort.

“That’s okay Maya. That’s 100% okay. I’m so glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me. Does Riley know?” 

Maya heaves out another sob at that, Riley had been the first person she wanted to tell. Riley would know exactly what to say, Riley was her go to on everything.

Maya’s pretty positive this situation wouldn’t have the same feel as their usual bay window talks: “Hey Riley, just so you know, I found out I might be gay and no big deal or anything but I’m pretty sure it’s because of you.”

Yeah, that would totally go over well.

She mumbles a muffled, “No.” from where her mouths pressed against his chest, bracing herself for what she knows will come next.

“Is-Is it- do you have feelings for her?”

And God, how could Maya have been so blind before? Of course she has feelings for her, because as if her life wasn’t fucked up enough already the universe decides to place a completely unreciprocated crush right in her lap.

The question needs no answer with the way she tenses at his words acting as an indicator, they both know. 

Maya spends the rest of the night alternating between lying on Farkle’s couch and ignoring Riley’s text messages.

***

“- and then I told her that of course, I needed two of the same shirt because what if I spill on one and I need a backup? But she just rolled her eyes and put it in the giveaway pile. I swear, sometimes my mom-“ Riley stops talking the second she realizes Maya’s attention is elsewhere, her eyes glued to a spot out the window and head nodding along in a way that makes it seem like she’s paying attention.

“Mhmm, that’s great.” Maya’s feeble attempt at a reply causes Riley to stop in her tracks, spinning Maya to face her.

“Okay, what is up with you lately? You seem like you’re not even here, is everything all right peaches? Did something happen?”

Maya wants to disappear in to Riley’s bedroom floor, biting her lip in the way Riley recognizes as her contemplation face.

“Everything’s fine, but I kind of need to tell you something and I don’t know how you’re going to take it and i-“

Riley stops her, “There’s nothing you could ever say that’s going make me leave remember? Sorry Hart but you’re stuck with me.”

Maya laughs, her eyes filling up with unshed tears.

“I’m gay.” She waits for the reaction, tells herself to turn around and run before it registers with Riley, but her feet are frozen, stuck in place.

She gnaws on the inside of her cheek so hard she draws blood but she barely registers it, eyes glued to the tips of her shoes.

Within seconds Riley’s ushered her into her arms, squeezing her so tight she feels like she can’t catch her breath but she doesn’t care.

Maya had always been so self-conscious when she cried but this was more, this was the kind of desolate sobbing that shakes you from your core. Maya was drained, the weight of keeping this secret from the person she told everything to had weighed her down for far too long.

Now she gave way to what was coming, clasped on to Riley like her life depended on it and cried with hitched breaths and shaking shoulders, let the tears drip with no attempt to wipe them away. This needed to be felt; demanded to be let out raw and aching.

Maya had no idea how long they stayed like that, stuck in one place, only separating to give a few giggles at the state of their blotchy skin and puffy eyes before coming back together again.

***

“Maya please? It’ll be so fun and we can meet people and hang out and find cute girls for you to date!”

And god, Maya hated parties, especially crowded college ones but how was she expected to say no to Riley’s pouting face?

“Fine. But we’re only staying for a little bit okay?”

Riley squealed, wrapping her arms around Maya’s neck, “Thank you peaches, we’re gonna have so much fun!”

***

It’s 3 hours later and Maya is not having fun. 

The second they showed up she immediately regretted coming, the house was crowded and loud and she knew no one but Riley.

She spent the first hour standing in a corner with her, slowly sipping on some type of fruity drink poorly mixed with alcohol. That was all fine, all fine until some Lucas looking college guy decided to ask Riley to dance. 

And Maya could tell Riley wanted to so she let her go despite how much she didn’t want to be alone in this situation.

Maya had lost count of the number of fruity drinks she downed and she just wanted to be home, specifically home with Riley.

Throughout the parties, however few, that she’d been to she realized she was quite a weepy drunk, and Riley’s absence wasn’t helping that fact. 

Before she knew it she had dialed Farkle’s number, completely disregarding the fact it was almost one in the morning.

He picked up with a sleepy, “Maya?”

“Faaarkle, Riley looks so pretty and she’s not with me and I wanna leave.” 

“Shit Maya, are you drunk?”

Maya gave a over exaggerated giggle, “maybe a lil bit?”

He heaved a sigh, “How many have you had?”

She held the phone between her ear and shoulder, attempting to count off on her fingers with no luck, “D’know, but they taste really good. Make my brain all fuzzy so I don’t have to think about Riley kissing some guy. Why does she like guys Farkle? Guys are stupid and I can’t kiss one without wanting to throw up afterwards.”

Farkle laughed at that, “I don’t know Maya, but I’m gonna come pick you guys up alright?”

Maya teared up at that, “You’re such a good friend Farkle, not like dumb Riley who leaves me to dance with a boy.”

Farkle sighed once again, “Just stay there alright? I’ll be there in a few.”

***

Not long after she’d hung up with Farkle, a completely sober Riley had made her way back to Maya, a look of concern stuck on her face.

“Oh my god Maya, I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” 

Maya scrunched her nose at that, tries to be upset with her but it’s useless, no matter what, especially when drunk, everything’s blurry around the edges except for Riley; nothing she does changes that. 

“Missed you Riles, how was dancing with that guy?” She tries her hardest to keep the disdain out of her voice but fails in an instant.

Riley locks her arm with Maya’s, “he was alright, I wanted to hang out with you more though.”

Maya glows at that, biting her lip to keep the enormous smile off her face.

“Forgot I told Farkle to come pick me up, s’that alright?”

Riley giggles, “I’m fine with that, I think we need to get you home before you drink the place empty and I’m tired now anyways.”

Maya rolls her eyes sure, dancing with guys that look like Lucas can be pretty tiring. 

Riley chooses not to acknowledge the annoyed expression on her face, chalking it up to how many drinks she’d downed.  
***

Maya barely remembers making it in to Farkle’s car, the drive home a blur, a swirling of colors and shapes passing through the car window that never come into focus for more than a few seconds before reverting back to their previous state of obscureness. 

At some point she must fall asleep on Riley’s shoulder because in what seems like no time at all she hears a soft, “Peaches, we’re home.”

Everything’s out of focus for a few seconds before coming in to view; Riley’s hair half tucked behind her ear, city lights illuminating her skin and Maya wants to kiss her. 

She wants to, but she doesn’t, even her half asleep state can’t change the facts; Riley’s not hers to have.

***

It had been Riley’s idea to take a whole class on poetry, they both needed something to fill a free period, and who was Maya to argue with the way Riley’s eyes lit up as soon as she heard about it? 

That situation led them in to now, piles of poetry books sprawled across Riley’s bedroom floor, Riley combing through their pages in delight.

She’d always been a sucker for poetry, and clearly nothing had changed through the years. This is evident in the way her voice goes up an octave each time she says, “You have to hear this one!” Her dead giveaway that whatever she’s about to read aloud has stuck with her.

Maya doesn’t mind the interruptions, she’s barely concentrating on her own work anyways; more tuned in to Riley’s slight sounds of affirmation or pain, depending on what she’s reading.

She loudly clears her throat, makes a scene of it to get her attention, and starts to read: “With this bullet lodged in my chest, covered with your name, I will turn myself in to a gun, because it’s all I have.”

Her eyes scan the page before flitting upwards to double check she has an audience before continuing, “because I’m hungry and hollow and I just want something to call my own. Ill be your slaughterhouse, your killing floor, your morgue and final resting, walking around with this bullet inside me, ‘cause I couldn’t make you love me and I’m tired of pulling your teeth. Don’t you see?” 

Riley’s words are dripping with honey, the meaning behind them instantly striking a chord with Maya in a way she doesn’t want to confront. Riley’s eyebrows are furrowed as if she’s absorbed the words in to her skin, felt their pain. 

She continues once more, “It’s like I’ve swallowed your house keys, and it feels so natural, like the bullet was already there, like it’s been waiting inside me the whole time.”

Maya sucks in her breath.

“Do you want it? Do you want anything I have? If you love me Henry, you don’t love me in a way I understand.” 

With that, Riley closes the book, looking up at Maya in a way that makes her shiver, “That’s so sad. Having to love someone so much when they don’t even know, don’t even care.”

Maya fights back a bitter laugh, she loves her, god she loves her, but how can she be so oblivious?

***

“How’d you know you liked girls?” Riley’s voice is a whisper, as if speaking any louder will break some type of rule.

She’s lying next to Maya in her bed when she asks it; shoulders pressed so close together that even the slightest movement causes them to touch. Her eyes are focused on the ceiling, while Maya’s are stuck on her profile. 

How is she supposed to answer a question like that when the answer is right next to her?

Maya takes a deep breath and squeezes her nails in to the palms of her hands, “I just kind of knew you know? Everything felt off with guys, but I thought everyone felt like that. Then after I had feelings for a girl it kind of just clicked in to place like, oh, that’s what it’s supposed to be.”

The moonlight filtering through the window is the only way Maya is able to tell that Riley’s eyes are squeezed shut, like she’s bracing herself for some sort of impact.

“Riles, what’s wrong?”

She takes in a shaky breath and with her eyes still closed whispers, “What if I maybe liked girls too? Like not just girls I mean-guys too, but I just- I don’t know I might like both?”  
Maya feels like she’s been punched in the gut, it’s like the words Riley’s just spoken have some how manifested themselves inside her; ripping and tearing every part of her from the inside out.

She wants to scream; wants to shake Riley by the shoulders as if that’ll tell her exactly what she’s feeling. Instead, she simply says what she believes Riley needs to hear, “Thank you so much for telling me honey. I can’t even explain how happy I am for you.”

And after that, they don’t bring it up again besides to let the group know. They’re both on the same page. Well, not totally. There’s still that tiny fact about Maya having feelings for Riley but as far as Riley’s concerned, they’re on the same page, and for Maya, that’s what counts.  
***  
The more time passes, the worse things get. Because now, it’s not just guys Maya has to see Riley with, there’s a handful of girls too.

They’re older now, both on the edge of 18, and Maya feels physically sick over how much she loves her. 

She attempts to block her out, think of anything besides the RileyRileyRiley that’s stuck in a constant loop in her head. So she dates, she kisses girls, and they’re all fine. That’s the worst part. There’s nothing wrong with them. For the first time in her life, kissing feels good; it’s something she actually looks forward to. Maya likes them well enough but then she sees Riley, hears her bubbly laugh and kind of wants to die.

She knows it’s not Riley’s fault that Maya fell in love with her, but she kind of wishes it was so she’d have someone besides herself to blame. 

She wants to scream, she’s so sick of it. The whole group knows her feelings now and the sad looks they flash her whenever Riley’s talking enthusiastically about whoever she’s seeing at the moment make Maya feel pathetic. 

She hurts, and she’s used to it. She realizes holding on to Riley isn’t being fair to herself because she doesn’t need this pain, she just voluntarily endures it, and how fucked up is that?

***

It’s a Saturday when it happens, one of the coldest nights in a while where the only way Maya’s able to stay still without completely shivering is the multitude of blankets she’s wrapped herself in. 

Riley and Maya are the only ones awake; they’d been tasked with watching Auggie while Corey and Topanga went out and he’d been in bed for an hour or so now.  
Loud show tunes have been playing out of Riley’s speakers while she dances crazily along, lip syncing in a completely over exaggerated way that makes Maya burst in to fits of giggles, stomach aching where she lies from the amount of laughing she’s done in the past few minutes.

Riley’s practically glowing; the complete personification of happiness and Maya wants to live in this moment forever. Wants to paint a million pictures of the look on Riley’s face so she never forgets the way she feels right now. 

Riley flops herself next to Maya on the bed, tangling their legs together underneath the blankets, completely out of instinct in a way that causes Maya’s breath to hitch.

She tells her by accident, caught up in the elation of the moment, it comes out quiet, “I love you.” 

Riley barely turns her head so used to that declaration in such a different tone, such a different context, that it doesn’t even phase her, “Yeah, I love you too Maya.”

She clears her throat and it takes a second for her to register the fact that her hands are literally shaking. She stays still, a mixture of completely tempted and completely paralyzed.

“No,” her voice cracks, “Riley I love you.”

Riley instantly freezes and Maya wants to run, wants to take it back with a light hearted, “just kidding”, but it’s already been done. It’s out in the universe and it’s never coming back.

“Maya.” It’s a whisper at first then a second calm expression of, “Maya, what do you mean?”

Maya says nothing for a few seconds runs her hands through her hair and pulls. Thinks that pain will be enough to distract her from the gut -wrenching alternative in her chest.

Then, “Riles, you know what I mean.”

Riley sucks in a breath, “Maya you-“

Maya stops her, the words she needs to say to her have been living underneath her skin for years, slowly clawing at her, begging to be let out. The more she holds them down, the more they tear and rip and ruin her.

“Just-Just listen to me for a second okay?”

Maya feels more calm than she probably should considering the way her heart is ricocheting off her ribcage. It’s like she’s waited for this moment for so long, built it up in her head; now that it’s here she just wants to get it over with, needs to, for both of their sakes. 

“I love you, I have since I was 16, maybe even before that, it’s hard to separate times I have from times I haven’t. I think I’ll always love you in some way or another. I’m not expecting anything out of this, god of course not, I just felt like it wasn’t fair of me to just- we never keep anything from each other, I didn’t want that to change.”

Riley’s looking her in a way Maya can’t figure out and it makes her uneasy. Before now, she always knew what Riley was thinking before she said it aloud, but now, now Maya’s going in blind.

Riley’s eyes are brimming with tears and Maya feels disgusting. This is it, it’s over.

“I’m so glad you told me that, you have no idea. Maya, I would think about you like that and I would feel sick, Jesus I would hate myself. You- you’re the best person I know, and I felt so totally unworthy of anything you had to offer I- I love you and I don’t know if I deserve to, but I do.”

Maya’s in a state of complete shock, it feels like the entire world is moving in slow motion, like she’s stuck in a dream she’ll soon be woken up from.

She sits up and Riley follows suit, reaching her hand out to touch her face before slowly moving closer. 

It doesn’t register in Maya’s brain that their lips are touching until she feels Riley’s fingers gently run up and down her spine, coaxing goose bumps to form in their wake. She stifles a surprised gasp at the feeling, causing her body to flush with heat. 

Suddenly, she understands why people describe kissing as melting, every square inch of her body absorbing in to Riley’s and she can barely breath, but she doesn’t want to separate; afraid if she does Riley will step back and laugh in her face, admit everything as a joke. 

It’s soft and gentle and chaste but it’s not fireworks or sparks, it’s more than that; it’s a wave of warmth that fills her up, spilling out from her and rushing to every corner of her body: the cracks in between her toes, the crooks of her elbows, the tips of her ears. 

They continue like this for a while until Riley pulls back, pecks her lips in continuous motions like she can’t get enough of it, starving for any contact.

“Was that okay?” Riley’s voice is shaky, like she expects Maya to say anything but yes.

And Maya’s pretty sure nothing in her life that’s come before this has been more okay than that, “Yes honey that was perfect.”

***  
Two years later, after more kissing and talking and time Riley speaks up from where she’s laid her head on Maya’s chest, “Hey Maya, guess what?”

“What?” Maya fights a smile, tucks a piece of hair behind Riley’s ear and waits for the answer.

“Don’t tell anyone, but I’m kind of in love with you.”

Maya giggles, “You’re not gonna believe this but,” she pauses for dramatic effect, “I'm in love with you too.”

And if there’s anything Maya’s ever been sure of, it’s that.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! if you have any comments or requests or just wanna talk about rilaya (cause im rilaya trash) message me at stormstarting.tumblr.com


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